There's No Modesty In Pregnancy

Posted by Ruby Gray on June 30, 2015

From that first OB/GYN visit all the way through delivery there's just no way to remain modest. Sure, some women have tried, and may have succeeded, somewhat, but it gets to a point where there's nothing you can do to get through the entire process with any shred of dignity intact.

I'm serious, figure out a way to not even think about being modest, or you'll go nuts. I'm telling you, you're going to have a ton of strangers (doctors, nurses, technicians, and an occasional passerby) looking at places you would never look at yourself, even if you could. Prodding, poking, and discussing things you'd never bring up during polite conversation.

It all starts at your first visit. You're just waiting in anticipation to get the official word that there's a baby in your belly, when you're asked to disrobe and pull that scratchy paper blanket across your lap. Then wait patiently in a cold room and hope things stay where they should. You get my drift? That's not such a big deal, you have to do that for your annual exam anyway.

But here's the thing, once you are the size of a whale, it's a little harder to maintain decorum while sliding down to get your feet in the stirrups. With all the advances in medicine you think they could come up with a better way to perform the exam. How about this, Since my stomach is so big I can barely even hop up on the table, let the doctor lay on the floor and look up.

Then there's the everyday things. Some people might stare as you go back for your 4th heaping plate of food at the buffet, but you'll have to ignore them and enjoy your meal. I got around that by having my husband carry a few. The only thing you can do about passing gas and burping is say excuse me. Blame hormones and your uterus sitting on your stomach, if you must. Needing to pee at the drop of a hat can be embarrassing in some situations if there isn't a bathroom handy, or if there is, heaven help anyone standing in your way.

Hearing "clean up on aisle 3" over the intercom as you rush out the door after your water broke, is the ultimate modesty killer. But wait, there's more. Arriving at the hospital, you're given a gown that wouldn't fit around a small child, let alone your baby bump. Again, after all these years we can't design gowns for pregnant women? How hard can that be? Let's not even mention the enema!

Now we're back where we started from. Legs in stirrups and strangers looking at your lady parts. It's even more intense this time. They shine a light down there as if you're the star of the show and I guess you are. Even more strangers appear and this time they bring along student interns to feel around to check the baby and see how far you're dilated.

After the immodest procedure of cleaning you up and getting you from gurney to gurney, you get to your room where you can bond with your new baby. By now you can understand why trying to be modest while pregnant is beyond human capability.